Advance Wars: Insanity
by 13storytellers
Summary: Pardoies, Musicals, Referances and Stuff, all staring everyones's favorite COs! What more could you want? R&R PS, I'm not that good at summaries.
1. Quest for Nachos

**WE welcome you to OUR… oh, who am I kidding. I'm 13storyteller's 14th personality (AKA, his younger brother). We have to share an account. Oh well. Ahem, resuming… OUR first AW fic. This story is basically a bunch of drabble and one-shots, with no real plot. Yay! WE'LL be getting to more serious fics later. WE don't own Advance Wars, but WE nearly convinced Nintendo to let US appear in the next game.**

**Chapter 1**

**The Quest for Nachos**

Jake, Sami, Nell and Max are watching TV. "Coming up, Wars World's Funniest Videos!" said the announcer. "Oh, I love this show!" Max said "I'm gonna go get some nachos" "Yo, wait up!" Jake yelled. "Come on, Nell. We can't let them hog the nachos!" Sami said. And so the 4 set off to get their nachos.

At the kitchen entrance, they noticed Andy at the door. "Uh-oh." Said Nell. "Andy's guarding the door. It's been heard he asks 3 questions. If you answer correct, he lets you enter the kitchen, but if you answer wrong, you are sent into the Pit of Fear, where your worst fear is realized forever!" Sami then decided. "I say we let Jake go first we can learn the questions." "And if he's wrong, we won't be losing much. Besides, those lame hip-hop terms are getting on my last nerve…" Max added. "HEY!" screamed Jake. "But I'll still go." As he went to meet his possible doom, Nell said "Glad I'm not going…"

"STOP!" said Andy. "Who so ever comes here must answer me these questions 3, then the kitchen you will see." "Go ahead, I ain't scared." Jake boldly responded. "What is your name?" "Jake, of Orange Star." "What is your quest?" "To go and get some nachos to watch TV." "What…is your favorite color?" "Orange". "Very well," Andy said. "You can go." "That's easy!" Max said in the distance.

As Max strode up to Andy, Andy said "STOP! Who so ever…" "We know, we know!" said Sami. "Well, you didn't have to be so rude about it." Andy said in an obviously pissed off voice. "Ok then, you, monkey boy" "HEY!" Max yelled "May I continue? What is your name?" "Max of Orange Star." "What is your quest?" "To get some nachos to eat." "What…is the capital of Nepal?" "I…I don't know that." Max said, as a trap door opened beneath him. "AH! Textbooks! Homework! Learny-things!" Sami and Nell heard Max scream.

Nell gulped as Sami pushed her forward. "You little traitor! If I survive this, I'm gonna…" "Can we just get on with this? I gotta take a piss." Andy said. "What is your name?" "Nell, Commander in Chief of the Orange Star Army." "What is your quest? " "To get some nachos and watch some TV." "What…is the average temperature of Olaf's ability?" "What do you mean?" asked Nell. "CO Power or Super CO Power?" "I don't know that." Andy said, as he fell into the pit. "AH! Things broken beyond repair!" He screamed.

Afterwards, they got the nachos and saw the show, seeing some of the other COs doing very embarrassing thing, which WE'LL tell about in another chapter. Max came out of the pit, smarter than Einstein, but turned back to normal after Andy hit him on the head with his wrench for snoring to loud.

**That's the end of chapter 1! In case you don't know, this was making a reference to Monty Python and the Holy Grail. WE hope for many responses and reveiws, but WE warn you, any flames will be used to do…um….stuff to you. Anyway, next is Chapter 2: Von Bolt Goes to Hell.**


	2. Von Bolt goes to Hell 1

**WE welcome you to the second chapter of Advance Wars: Insanity! This is the first musical chapter, based on the episode of Futurama of when Bender goes to Hell. People speak in different fonts, so here they are, along with the roles they play.**

Von Bolt: Bender

**Sturm: Devil**

Kindle: Leela

_Koal: Fry_

**Other People**

**WE don't own Advance Wars, but Andy gave US his favorite wrench. (WE also don't own Futurama.)**

**Chapter 2**

**Von Bolt Goes to Hell**

(In hell)

Crud. I can't believe I'm in hell. All I did was try to gain immortality. But on the plus side, I don't need life support.

**Oh, you did much more bad things in your youth.**

STURM? You're the devil?

**No, I'm just filling in while he decides whether or not Hawke and I are dead. Anyway…**

(Music)

Bah, crap, singing. Mind if I smoke?

(Song starts)

**Cigars are evil, you won't miss'm, we'll find ways to simulate that smell.**

**What a sorry fella, rolled up and smoked like a garn a jella,**

**Here on level 1 of CO hell.**

(Elevator appears, Sturm pushes Von Bolt in, goes down, stops, gets out)

**Gambling wrong and so is cheating, so is forging phony IOUs.**

**Let's let Lady Luck decide, what kind of torments justified on pit force here on level 2!**

(Wheel of Fortune appears, with various torments on it. Sturm spins it, it stops)

**Ooh, Deep Fried CO.**

Just tell me why.

**Check Section 55, page 1.**

There must be COs worse than I.

**We've checked around, there really aren't.**

Well just let me explain my quantity of boyish pranks.

**You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks!**

Hey don't blame me, blame my upbringing!

**Please stop spiting while I'm singing.**

(Pushes Von Bolt into elevator again, goes farther down, stops get off)

**Selling bootleg tapes is wrong; musicians need that income to survive.**

(The _something_ boys show up. I forget which bad band it was from the show. I only remember they suck.)

**Hey Von Bolt, gonna make some noise!**

**Put yo life-support down for the _(something) _boys!**

(Bad music play)

**That's what you, what you, what you get on Level 5!**

(At the entrance of hell)

_I_****_don't feel well._

It's up to us to rescue him.

_Maybe he likes it here in hell._

It's too intense for him to stand.

_He could be back at the motel._

Come on, Koal don't be scared,

I'm sure at least one of us will be spared,

So just sit back, enjoy the ride.

_My ass has blisters from the slide!_

(Back at hell, Von bolt is spiraling down a pit, Sturm singing from sides)

**Fencing diamonds, fixing cock fights, publishing indecent magazines,**

**You'll pay for every crime, knee deep in electric slime.**

**You'll suffer 'til the end of time. Enduring torments, most of which rhyme,**

**Trapped forever, here in CO hell!**

(End)

**Well, what did you think? WE just want you to know, that incase this was a let-down for you, don't worry. There will be more Von Bolt-In-Hell chapters, and most of them are original. Anyway, WE want a few more reviews, and more hits. No flames, or we'll still do stuff to you.**


	3. Drake and Eagle in: Shipwrecked!

**WE welcome you to the 3rd chapter of Advance Wars: Insanity! This is my first original idea, but it's been used a lot of times. WE do not own Advance Wars, but Jess gave US a spare tank!**

**Chapter 3**

**Eagle and Drake in: Shipwrecked.**

Drake and Eagle are out in the ocean on a Lander with 2 completely random Green Earth solider. "I don't know…" Eagle said "I still think we should've taken an air unit." "Relax, will ya, Eagle?" Drake responded in a laid back tone. "This baby is real reliable. She'll get us to HQ." Suddenly, the engine started sputtering like it does in cartoons and the boat completely stops. "Boss!" the first random solider yelled "The engine stopped working. We're stranded!" "I hate you…" Eagle hissed.

Much later (Yes, WE'RE not being specific. Deal with it!), we see Drake and Eagle on opposite sides of the ship, each with one of the random soldiers. Drake has a full grown beard, Eagle has 5'o clock shadow, and the soldiers look like they really, really need a shower. "Ok, here's the plan." Eagle said to the solider. "We wait until the two are asleep, we kill them, and we eat Drake. All that fat will keep us full for days!" The solider then just laughed maniacally. Meanwhile, on the other side… "His name's Eagle, right boss?" said the second random solider. "That may mean he tastes like chicken!" "Good idea, solider! I say we keel haul him, cook him over a fire, and serve him with a side 'o onion rings!" "Can't it be French fries, sir?" the solider asked. "Whatever!" Drake responded.

Later that night, all four of the guys pretended to be asleep. Eagle then slowly snuck up on Drake with his gun ready, but then, as he saw Drake's face… "A dummy? It's an ambush! Hit the deck!" Eagle yelled, as Drake and random solider #2 began firing at Eagle and RS#1. The two began firing at each other, but eventually ran out of bullets, so they had to resort to verbal attacks.

"Maybe if we took an air unit like I wanted…" Eagle barked "We'd be sitting at the bottom of the sea!" Drake interrupted. "Oh, yeah? Well, just what happened to our food, anyway?" Eagle asked. "It was delicious, that's what happened!" Drake responded. "You little fatass! Maybe we wouldn't be so hungry if you weren't the lord of the Pigs!" Eagle screamed. "And maybe you would've gotten some food if you weren't so busy crying in a fettle position." "Ooh…" the two solider said, as they decided to join in. "Maybe if you put more than $2 worth of gas is the tank, we'd be at HQ!" The first one yelled. "What?" Drake barked to RS2 "Uh…well maybe if you didn't use the spare parts for football practice, we'd have fixed the ship long ago!" The second solider retaliated. "What?" Eagle screeched. "Uh…maybe if your mama wasn't so fat, we'd be at HQ!" the first guy yelled "Um…what does that have to do with this?" Eagle asked. "Oh, you wanna start with 'Yo mama jokes'? Here goes! Yo mama's so fat, that she's been classified as the 10th planet." "Yo mama's so fat, that her belly button has an echo!" "Yo mama's so fat, that every time she steps, there's an earthquake." "Oh, yeah? Well your mama's so dumb, she understands this joke!" "Ooh!" Eagle and Drake said in awe. "Oh no you didn't! No you didn't!" RS1 yelled, as he and RS2 got into a fierce fist fight. Eagle and Drake sat and watched the fight, with Eagle eating popcorn that came out of nowhere. "5 bucks on the first guy" Eagle said. "I got my cash on RS2. RS1 lost to RS87." Drake said. "D'oh! I just lost $5!" Eagle complained. "Hey, where did I get this popcorn?" he asked as the popcorn disappeared in a cloud of logic.

After RS2 beat the shit out of RS1, Jess and Javier come on another Lander. "It's about time!" Eagle yelled. "Do you know how long we've been here?" "Yeah. About 5 hours." Jess said, as they left.

But many questions were left unanswered. How did the ship break down? Why did RS1 start making "Yo mama" jokes? How did Eagle get 5'o clock shadow and Drake grow a beard in only 5 hours? Where did Eagle get the popcorn? These are questions that can only be asked in… the Advance Wars Zone! (Twilight Zone Music)

**Well, what did you think? A little anticlimactic, but hilarious. Anyway, WE still want more reviews, but WE'LL still do stuff to people who send flames. So, uh…(Crap, I forgot my line)…uh…Advance Wars Rules!**


	4. Von Bolt Goes to Hell 2

**WE welcome you to part 2 of the Von Bolt-in-Hell mini series. Just FYI, WE will only do chapters like this every now and then, so don't expect any patterns, 'cause they'll be comin' in at random. Anyway, this one is a somewhat original idea. WE'D also like to thank Hiro Konobu, The One True Koneko and Yakisoba1234567890 for submitting reviews. WE must admit, you guys rock! WE do not own Advance Wars, but Sonja gave us a special Yellow Comet uniform. Now WE only need an Orange Star one.**

**Chapter 4**

**Von Bolt in Hell 2**

We join our favorite Darth Vader-wannabe (You know, what with the life support stuff.) in hell, looking around the place to see if he can find any of his friends in hell. After about 30 minutes, he notices a group of Black Hole soldiers. "Hey, guys! It's me, Von Bolt!" "Von Bolt?" The leader troop said angrily. "You were the guy who said that if we followed you, we'd have a better life. Well look what happened." "Uh, maybe we can forget that and try to escape so we can appear in Advance Wars 4." Von Bolt nervously said. "Nah, we've given up on that. We all have realized that if we come back, those other COs are just gonna come and kill us again." One of the soldiers said. "How do you know that will happen?" Von Bolt asked. "Let's face it. It **always** happens. It's happened in Advance Wars, it happened in Advance Wars 2, and it happened in Advance Wars Dual Strike. What makes you think it won't happen again?" The lead soldier asked. A little soldier then said "Hey, commander, what do we do with Von Bolt?" "I say that we beat him up for getting us sent to hell." The leader said. "Yeah!" all the others yelled. "Oh shit…" Von Bolt muttered, as the chase began in the style of a cheesy 80's chase montage.

Meanwhile, some Oozium was watching from the side. "Gloop, loop, opoloop." One said. (Translation: "Hey! They're having a montage without us!") "Oopoglop!" the other said. (Translation: "You're right, let's get them!") Afterwards, the Oozium went in and joined the chase. Then the devil came in with Sturm. "So what did you think of my song…hey is that a montage?" Sturm said. "**And they have the nerve not to let us in?**" the devil said, as he and Sturm joined in.

After about 2 hours of montage chasing, the devil said "**Hold it! This is supposed to be hell! The land of eternal pain and suffering! Why aren't you all suffering?**" After he asked, Von Bolt ran away as the others were distracted. "Phew, that was a close one. Those soldiers nearly beat the living daylights outta me." "Almost." The lead soldier said, right behind him. "Oh, boy…" Von Bolt said, as the soldiers began to pound the hell out of him.

At the distance, the others were watching. "**Well, at least the old fart is suffering.**" The devil said. "I can't help but enjoy watching this me-wannabe get beat up." Sturm said. Suddenly, 13storytellers and his brother came into the fic. "Hey, what the hell are you doing here?" Sturm asked. "WE have decided to count you and Hawke alive so that you both can appear in OUR next fan fiction." 13storytellers said. "**OK, you're gonna have to stop talking like that. It's creepy.**" The Devil said. Then, 13storytellers and Sturm disappeared.

**Hint, Hint! WE just gave you a little glimpse of who's going to be in OUR next AW fic. WE may get to writing it soon. However, WE ran into a little problem. The name of the new army in OUR fic was going to be White Sun, but WE saw another fic that had an army with the same name. If you can give US any ways to get around this, WE'LL greatly appreciate it. Sorry this chapter was short, but WE couldn't think of much to do with this concept. Anyway, please R&R, but any flames will be used to do the dreaded _stuff_ to you!**


	5. Star Wars World OR Advance Star Wars 1

**WE once again welcome you to the fic that just won't stop; Advance Wars: Insanity! The idea posted by The One True Koneko over my problem is so far the best idea WE'VE gotten. WE are going to keep the color white, because this army is almost like Black Hole, but also different. So as of now, OUR new army's name is White Nova. Anyway, enjoy! WE do not own Advance Wars…but Advance Wars owns you! (WE also do not own Star Wars)**

**Chapter 5**

**Star Wars (World) or Advance (Star) Wars Part 1**

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, there was the tiny little planet of Blue Moon, being invaded by the evil Black Hole Federation. To stop things, Supreme Chancellor Hatchi has sent two CO Knights to resolve the conflict. Aboard the Blue Moon Control ship, CO Master Kanbai and his apprentice, Eagle, have landed. In the conference room, the two wait. "Master, I sense a disturbance." Eagle said. "I feel it to." Kanbai said.

Back at the control room, Viceroy Olaf was in communicating with a Darth Bad-Guy hologram. "Sir, the ambassadors sent by Hatchi are COs! We are in serious trouble." "This presents a problem." Darth Bad-Guy said. "Send down your invasion force of Grit Droids immediately, and capture Queen Sasha." "My lord, is that…legal?" Olaf said. "I will _make_ it legal!" DBG said. "But what about the COs?" Olaf asked. "The Chancellor shouldn't have brought them into this. Kill them immediately!" DBG said as the hologram disappeared.

Back at the conference room, Kanbai and Eagle noticed that the room was filling up with a yellow gas. "Monoxide Gas!" Kanbai said. Outside, many droids that looked like Grit were standing near the door. "They must be dead by now. Go eliminate what's left of them." An Olaf hologram said to the droids. **"Alpha, you go in, we'll cover you."** One of the Grits said. **"Roger, Roger."** The lead Grit said, as two CO Power Sabers emerged from the smoke and began slicing up the Grit droids. The two then advanced to Olaf's control room. "Seal off the bridge!" Olaf commanded. "That won't be enough to hold them." One Blue Moon soldier said. "I want Samikas (Instead of Droidekas) up here at once!" Olaf then said. Kanbai then started to use his CO Saber to get through the door. "Oh, no! Close the blast door!" Olaf said on the other side. A second layer of iron door appeared, and Kanbai stopped. "That'll hold them." Olaf said in a smug tone. But then, Kanbai used his Super CO Power to make his saber stronger, and get through the doors. "They are still breaking through!" The soldier said. "This is impossible!" Olaf said in a flabbergasted tone. "Where are those Samikas!" the soldier panicked. "Master, destroyers!" Eagle said, as two droids who looked like Sami, but with spider-legs and machine guns for arms, came rolling down the hall. The put up shields and started firing. "It's no use, it's a stalemate." Kanbai said after a few seconds. "They are no match for Samikas!" the soldier said. "Sir! They've gone up the ventilation shaft!" another soldier said.

Outside the shaft, Kanbai and Eagle notice a very large force of Grit Droids and various other things. "This is a very large number of Grits. That can't be a good thing." Eagle said. "You're right, Eagle." Kanbai said. "Take different ships and meet on the surface. We have to warn the Blue Moon." "Very well, I'll see you on the surface." Eagle said.

**Well, that's part 1. Part 2 is on the way! WE hope you enjoyed it. After the parody of Episode 1 is over, WE'LL do more comedy parts, and then begin to parody Episodes 2-6. See you then!**


	6. Star Wars World OR Advanve Star Wars 2

**WE** **welcome you to the next part of our Star Wars/Advance Wars parody. Let's face it. The two have the word 'Wars' in them, so it was inevitable for this to eventually happen. Anyway, WE hope you'll enjoy it. (Homer Simpson tone) Enjoy it! WE do not own Advance Wars or Star Wars…but neither do you!**

**A/N: When WE said "Blue Moon soldier", WE meant to say "Black Hole soldier." Sorry!**

**Chapter 6**

**Advance (Star) Wars or Star Wars (World) 2**

"Sir, we're receiving a transmission from the planet." The Black Hole soldier said "It's Queen Sasha herself. At last, we are getting results!" Olaf said. "Viceroy Olaf. Your trade boycott on our planet has ended." Sasha said in a regal tone. "I was not aware of such failure." Olaf said in an obviously arrogant tone. "I have received word that Supreme Chancellor Hatchi's ambassadors have come to reach a settlement." Sasha said. "Such ambassadors have yet to arrive." Olaf retaliated. "I warn you, the Federation has gone to far this time." Sasha said. "We would never do anything without the approval of the Senate. You assume too much." Olaf said "We shall see." Sasha said, as the transmission ended. "She's right, you know. The Senate will never agree with this. Do you think she expects an invasion?" the Black Hole soldier worried. "It's to late now. We must do all we can to disrupt all communications."

Meanwhile, on Blue Moon, in Queen Sasha's throne room, the rulers of Blue Moon discuss this matter with Senator Sturm of the Wars World Senate, via hologram. "The negotiations haven't started because the ambassadors haven't arrived yet?" Sturm said. "But I have assurances from the Chancellor…" but then the holograms started getting all frizzy and weird, and finally went off. "Senator? Senator Sturm, answer!" Sasha said. "A communications disruption can mean only one thing; invasion." One of the Blue Moon officials said. "That's absurd! The Senate would revoke their federation and they'd be ruined." Another official said. "We'll just have to continue to rely on negotiation." Sasha said. "Negotiation? We've lost all communication!" The first official said. "This does seem bad. If the federation attacks with an invasion-size force, we might not be able to hold them off." The Blue Moon captain of the Guard said. A brief silence followed. Sasha broke the silence with the statement. "I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to war." (A/N: Hah! That's ironic! No war in Advance Wars!)

Meanwhile, on the planet surface, the armies of Grits were unloading from their ships. A high-ranking Droid was talking to an Olaf hologram. "We have searched the ship, and there is no sign of the missing COs. They must have stowed away on one of your ships." Olaf said. "**If they're down here, sir, we'll find them**." The droid answered. "Use caution. These COs are not to be taken lightly." Olaf said, as the transmission ended.

In the forest, we see Koal acting all Jar-Jar Binks-like (Yes, Koal's a good guy. Work with me here. He talks all weird anyway.), When Kanbai runs through and saves Koal from an oncoming Grit Transport. Afterwards, Koal begins to follow Kanbai around "Oh, thank you thank you, I love you! You saved my life." Koal said. (Yes, he's not talking Jar-Jar like. I'm not wasting time with that.) "You almost got us killed. Are you brainless?" Kanbai said in an agitated tone. "I speak." Koal responded, not wanting to appear stupid. "The ability to speak doesn't make you intelligent." Kanbai responded back. "No, no you don't understand. My name is Koal. I am your humble servant." Koal responded. "That won't be necessary." Kanbai said, sounding a little annoyed. "Oh, but it is! It's demanded by the Gods, it is." (A/N: I am a Catholic, so I only believe in one God. I'm just quoting the movie.) Suddenly, a Droid on a weird bike-like thing was following Eagle and was heading to Kanbai and Koal, when Kanbai reflected the laser I the droid was shooting back at it with his CO Power Saber. "You saved me again!" Koal said. "Who's this?" Eagle asked. "A local." Kanbai responded. "Now we better leave before more Droids come." "More? More did you say?" Koal said. "Excuse me, but the safest place for you to go is to Boltgaurd City. It's where I grew up. 'Tis a hidden city." The 2 COs stopped. "A city?" Kanbai said, as Koal nodded his head. "And you will take us there?" he then asked. "Um...no. Actually, no." Koal said. "Well, why not?" Eagle asked. "This is embarrassing, but I'm afraid I've been banished. The bossed would do terrible things to me, teeeerrrrible things if I went back." Koal admitted. "Do you hear that?" Kanbai asked, as the rumbling of the droids became louder. Koal merely nodded his head. "That is the sound of a thousand terrible things coming this way." "If they find us, they'll crush us, grind us into dust, and blow us into oblivion." Eagle said. "Oh…" Koal said frailly. "Your point is well taken."

Later, at the pond/lake/ocean/toilet (A/N: Sorry, couldn't resist. ), Koal was leading the two COs there. "Listen, Boltgaurds don't like outsiders, so don't expect a warm welcome." Koal warned them. "Oh, don't worry." Eagle said in a surprisingly cheery tone. "This hasn't been our day for warm welcomes." The trio then journeyed underwater, to a city in something that appeared to be a giant bubble. The three entered, preparing for the "welcome" they would receive.

**Well, that's it. Instead of working on episodes 2-6, once WE'RE done this, WE'LL just do this as a separate fic. Anyway, instead of telling you to R&R, WE will now cloud you mind with subliminal messages. (Picture of you typing review. OUR name with a review next to it. The review having praising words on it. A very disturbing image.) Um…sorry you had to see that… **


	7. Star Wars World OR Advance Star Wars 3

**WE welcome you to the next part of our exciting A.W version of Star Wars. WE also invite you to visit OUR new A.W comedy fic, Know Your COs. Anyway, WE hope you enjoy this chapter! WE do not own A.W or Star Wars…yet.**

**Chapter 7**

**Star Wars (World) or Advance (Star) Wars 3**

Inside the Boltguard city, there are many people who look like Koal and Kindle. "So good being home!" Koal said, right as a Boltguard guard (A/N: the repeat is unintentional) came up and surrounded him and the COs. "Koal, what are you doing here?" said a person who looked just like Koal, but had grey face paint instead of white. "Oh, hey there, Captain. I'm back." Koal said, trying to change the topic. It didn't work. "Not again, Koal. You're going to the bosses this time. You've gotten in real trouble this time!" the Captain said, as the guards shocked Koal with a little stick. "KHz!" Koal said in the shock. "How rude."

In a big room, there were many Boltguards there, with Kindle sitting in the center of the lead Boltguards. "Hmmmm… what the heck are you two humans doing here?" Kindle asked, clearly not very happy to receive guests. "The Black Hole Federation is about to launch an attack on the Blue Moon." Kanbai said. "We do not care about the Blue Moon!" Kindle roared. "They think they are soooo smart and better." "Once those Droids take control of the surface, they will take control of you." Eagle retorted. "You and the Blue Moon form a sibilant circle. What happens to one affects the other." "I told you," Kindle remarked, getting angrier, "We do not care about the Blue Moon!" "Then speed us on our way." Kanbai said. "Oh, we'll speed you away." Kindle said, sounding relived to be rid of them. "A transport would be nice." Kanbai said. "We'll give you our 'Napalm'. The speediest way to get to the surface is through, the planet core…" Kindle said, trying to sound evil at the words 'planet core'. "Now…go." "Master, what's a 'Napalm'?" Eagle asked. "Hopefully it's just what they named the vehicle." Kanbai said. As the COs was leaving, Koal, handcuffed behind the Captain, told them "They're setting you up! Going through the planet core is really not a good idea. Uh, any help here would be hot." "Master, there's no tome." Eagle said to Kanbai. "We need a navigator to get us through the core. This Boltguard may be of use." Kanbai reasoned, and asked Kindle "What is to become of Koal?" "He is to be…punished." Kindle said. "He has, what you call, a life debt." Kanbai told Kindle. "You Gods demand that his life belongs to me." Kindle scowled and turned to Koal and asked "Koal, is this true?" Koal merely nodded. "Grrrrrr…" Kindle growled, but then sighed. "Begone with him!"

Meanwhile, on the surface, the Grit Droid army had advanced into the capital city, easily taking over. They flew around on the bike things, rolled in tanks and marched through the city. Queen Sasha merely stood in the palace, watching the whole thing sadly, as a group of Droid came in. As Olaf's ship came, once he stepped out, a Droid came up and informed him "**Viceroy, we have captured the queen.**" "Ah…" Olaf said. "Victory!"

Back underwater, the three were in a little submarine. After a few moments of silence, Eagle asked "Why were you banished, Koal?" "Well, part of it would be that I'm a little uh…clumsy." Koal said, embarrassed. "You were banished because you were clumsy?" Eagle asked. "Um…you might put it like that." Koal said, trying to end the conversation. After awhile, they reached the surface.

**Well, that's it for this chapter. WE know WE skipped the part with the fish, but that's not really relevant to the story. WE hope to have reviews for this. After seeing what The One True Koneko saw in the messages, WE figured subliminal messages weren't the best idea…oh well, live and learn. (No offense, Koneko.) **


	8. Star Wars World OR Advance Star Wars 4

**Welcome back to Advance Wars: Insanity! Me and my brother, the Real 13Storytellers (Remember, I'm His brother.) wish to apologize for the lateness of updating all of our current fics. WE have had a trip to Philly yesterday, and today WE had a Family Picnic. Anyway, WE hope to amuse you. This will be a short chapter, because WE have to let the other 13 personalities get on and work on their fics. WE do not own AW or SW, but WE showed the army a new weapon, when you put a lightsaber on a rifle. Such a weapon may/may not be coming to an army near you!**

**Chapter 8**

**SWW or ASW part 4**

"How do you plan on explaining this to the Senate?" A Blue Moon official asked. "The queen and I will sign a treaty, making this 'occupation' legal." Olaf shot back. "I will do no such thing!" Sasha protested. "Now, now." Olaf said. "I'm sure, in time, the suffering of your people will persuade you. Captain!" he called to a Droid. "**Yes, sir?**" the droid responded. "Process them." Olaf commanded.

After Olaf left, Sasha and the others were going to be taken to some prison camp. On the way, our 2 heroic CO Knights jumped down and sliced up the entire group. Koal tried to jump down, but merely smacked down upon the ground. Afterwards, they ran to an alley. "Well, Kanbai, it seems your 'negotiations' have failed!" an official spat out at the master. "The negotiations failed because they never started." Kanbai said.

As the group ran to the hanger, Kanbai asked the Chief Guard "I think it would be best if we took the queen to White Nova." Kanbai said. (A/N: This is the same name as the army appearing in a later fic.) "Sorry, master CO, but my place is with my people." Sasha retorted. "They will kill you if you stay." Kanbai said. "They couldn't! The Senate would revoke their franchise, and they'd be ruined." The Chief Guard said "Look at the facts. The Black hole federation has nothing to gain from this. Somebody must be pulling the strings." After some hesitation, Sasha agreed.

"With your permission, I would like to take the queen to White Nova." Kanbai said to the patrol droid at eh hanger. "**Where?**" the droid asked. "To White Nova." Kanbai repeated. "**White Nova…uh…that doesn't compute…uh um, you're under arrest!**" After a brief fight sequence between the droids and the COs, the group board onto the ship and head out into space.

"There's the blockade." Eagle said. Meanwhile, in the back, Kanbai took Koal to the back, with Jugger and a bunch of droids who looked like Jugger but different colors. (A/N: Obvious, I know. Deal with this as well!) "Now don't touch anything." Kanbai said as he left. "Hey there!" Koal said to the droids. BOOM! In the control room, there was trouble! "The shield's gone down!" the pilot said. Back for Koal, the droids instantly sprung to life and headed to the exit of the ship. One bumped into him. "How rude." Koal said. Outside, the droids tried to fix the shields, but they were being blasted one by one. "If we can't fix the shield, we're finished!" the pilot said. Finally, only Jugger was left. He found the problem and fixed it. "Hey! The power's back and shields are online! That little droid did it!" the pilot cheered. "There's not enough power to get us to White Nova. We'll have to make a stop and get some fuel." Kanbai said. "Here's a nearby planet. It's called Orange Star, and the Federation cannot detect us there." Eagle told his master. In the next room, there was a meting. "This droid, your highness, saved the ship, and undoubtedly our lives." The Captain said. "What is his number or name?" Sasha asked. "The name is JU-GGE-R" the captain responded. "We shall call him Jugger for short. Jugger, you have our thanks. Take the droid and clean him up." Sasha said. "Master, maybe we should tell her…" Eagle said. After a conversation with the queen, the group headed to the little desert planet.

**Well, that's it! R&R! Stuff to Flamers! (Subliminal messages, without the disturbing image.) Sorry )! WE had to give it a shot, or it'd be a dull way to end the chapter. Bye-bye!**


	9. Star Wars World OR Advance Star Wars 5

**Welcome back to the Fic that just won't go away, Advance Wars: Insanity. WE would like to respond to something mentioned by The One True Koneko. Andy will not be Anakin. Jake will. An Andy _Clone_ will also appear this chapter. Andy will appear later. For those of who have the brain that's bigger than a turnip, it's obvious to you when Andy will show. WE do not own AW or SW, but WE have seen all the Star Wars movies, except parts of VI.**

**Chapter 9**

**SWW or ASW 5**

Back on the Black Hole federation control ship, Viceroy Olaf and his right hand man were communicating with Darth Bad-Guy. "Lord BG, one ship has managed to…slip past the blockade." Olaf said nervously. "I want that ship found. If that ship has the queen, our plans will be in jeopardy." Darth BG said. "But sir, the ship flew out of tracking range." The soldier said. Darth BG simply responded "Not for a Dual." (A/N: Pronounced Doo-All). As he spoke, another figure appeared next to him. It was an Andy Clone from AWDS, you know, the green-skin one. "This is my apprentice, Darth Clone." Darth BG said. Clone merely nodded his head. "He will find your missing ship." After the transmission ended, the soldier said "This is getting out of hand. Now there are two of them!"

On the planet of Orange Star, Kanbai and the others began to unpack their stuff. "We need to get some new parts; otherwise, we can't reach White Nova." Eagle said. As Kanbai was walking off the ship with Koal and Jugger, the guard came with Sasha and said "Wait up! Her Royal highness wishes to come with you." "That's too risky." Kanbai said. "Please let her go. She wants to learn about the planet." The guard persuaded. "Hm… alright, but anything that happens is not my fault." Kanbai finally said.

After a long walk and one hell of a plot hole later, the group reaches the city. Koal told them to come to a particular shop for some weird reason that is to complex for US to explain without filling up quite a few pages. A strange thin, pale man appeared. "Welcome to Adder's; the best ship parts shop in all of Orange Star!" Adder said. "We need parts for an A140 T-Plane. (A/N: The name is random.) Perhaps you can help us. Jugger, my droid has the list of parts." Kanbai said. "Hm…boy! Get over here!" Adder screamed. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" a very young version of Jake came out. "Where were you?" Adder asked. "I was cleaning out the tank parts like you said." Jake responded. "You can do that later. We have costumers. I will take care of these two; make sure the others don't do anything they'll regret." Adder said, as he, Jugger and Kanbai walked off.

"Are you an angel?" Jake asked Sasha. "A what?" Sasha asked, a little surprised that the boy had spoken. "An angel. I heard about them from the traders. They're the most beautiful things in the galaxy." Jake said. "You're a clever little boy. How do you know that kind of things?" Sasha asked. "I listen to the traders and pilots talk about locations they've been to." Jake responded. "You lived here for a long time?" Sasha asked. "Ever since I was born. My mom and I were sold to Grimm the Hutt about when I was 3, I think." Jake said. "You're a slave?" Sasha asked, a little shocked. "I'm a person, and my name is Jake!" Jake responded, a little angry.

Back for Kanbai and Adder, they had found all the parts for the ship, and were bargaining the price. "You're a lucky person. I'm the only guy in all of Orange Star who's got these parts." Adder said with pride. "But you may just want to buy a new ship. It's cheaper. Speaking of which, how do you plan to pay for this, anyway?" "I have 14000 Gold." Kanbai answered. "Allied Credits?" Adder said in rage. "Allied Credits are no good here!" "I have nothing else here, but credits will do fine." Kanbai said, waving his arm, trying to use the Super CO Power to trick Adder. "No, they won't. "Adder said, no affected. "Credits will do fine." Kanbai said, a little surprised the trick didn't work. "No, they WON'T!" Adder said, enraged. "Who do you think you are, waving your arm like that; a CO? I'm a greedy bastard. Mind tricks don't work on me. Only money! And no one else has these parts, I can assure you." Adder said, as Kanbai and Jugger left.

Koal was getting into a little trouble. As Sasha was talking with Jake, and Kanbai was getting parts, he accidentally activated a little droid, which was running around the place. After a crash, Jake realized what was happening and told Koal "Hit the nose!" Koal did so, and the droid just folded up and shut off. "Come along Koal, we're leaving. Your highness." Kanbai said as he returned. "I'm glad to have met you, Jake." Sasha said as she left. "I'm glad to have met you, to." Jake said. "Bah, outsiders." Adder hissed. "Trying to make fools out of us." "I thought they were nice." Jake retaliated. "Go finish cleaning the tanks, then you can go home." Adder said. "Whoopee!" Jake yelled, as he ran off.

**Well, that's it! WE hope you enjoyed it. R&R. Now. Also, WE have made an Advance Wars forum, CO Chat. Please post on it. Bye-Bye!**


	10. Star Wars World OR Advance Star Wars 6

**WE are so so so so so so so SO sorry about being so late! WE'VE had an error on the computer that wouldn't let US submit documents. Anyway, WE are telling in advance, the part of C3P0 will be played by a human. More specifically, Colin. He'll just get older as the story goes. Anyway, WE do not own AW or SW, but Obi-wan Kenobi has taught us the force! Wahoo!**

**Chapter 10**

**SWW or ASW 6**

As the group was walking around the planet, Koal got distracted by a very bizarre looking food. He tried to eat it, and immediately spat it out. The food ended up in a bowl of soup, which Sonja and Lash were eating. "HEY!" Lash screamed. "I was eating that soup…"

"There's the bozo responsible for ruining our lunch!" Sonja yelled. "Get the white pasty freak!"

"Well, I have nothing to worry about, because I'm not a…" Koal started, as Sonja tackle him, and Lash got a weird machine out. "…freak" Koal wheezed.

"Excuse me, but is this…" Lash asked as she held the food out. "Yours?" Koal nodded. "Good." Lash said "Now I have a guinea pig for my pain machine." Koal was screaming like a little girl, when Jake came up, speaking in Orange Star.

"(Careful, Lash. He's a big time off worlder. I wouldn't want you and Sonja to get arrested before the annual battle.)" Jake said, in a calm voice.

"(Once the battle comes,)" Sonja sneered, "(It will be the end of you, slave-boy!)" The two merely scoffed, and turned away.

"What's going on?" Kanbai asked as he and the others walked over.

"You're friend here was going to be turned into white pasty goo." Jake explained. "He got into a fight with some people. Two particularly nasty ones named Sonja and Lash. They always use people who mess with them for guinea pigs, and their inventions occasionally have side effects, so when I said goo, I meant it."

"I didn't want to be turned into goo! That's the last thing I want!" Koal panicked.

"Nonetheless, the boy is right." Kanbai said. "You're headed for trouble."

**Meanwhile, back on the ship, Eagle and the others were listening to a message from Blue Moon.**

"The death toll is catastrophic!" a hologram of the Blue Moon Official. "We must bow to their wishes! You must contact me!" He said, as the message ended.

"It's a trick." Eagle said. "Send no reply. Send no transmissions at all." Eagle then looked out the window. "A sandstorm's coming." He said concerned. "This will slow them down…"

**Back for our other heroes…**

Kanbai was talking to a merchant, when she said. "Oh, Jake. A storm's comin' in. You best get home."

"Hey, where's your ship?" Jake asked his new friends.

"It's just past the outskirts." Kanbai answered.

"You'll never make it in time!" Jake said "Sandstorms are very, VERY dangerous. Come on. I'll take you to my place."

As they reached Jakes house, Jake decided to show Sasha, Jugger and Koal around, while Kanbai talked with Jake's mother. Once they reached Jake's room, Jake yelled "Come on, guys!" Suddenly, a lump in the bed began to stir. Colin then emerged from it.

"Could you keep it quite?" He asked groggily. "I'm taking a nap. Oh, hey," he said, more awake "I didn't know we had company. I'm Colin, Jake's roommate." Jugger then beeped over and over. "Hm…Jugger? A weird name, but a nice one, nonetheless." Colin responded.

"Jake, did he just…?" Sasha asked.

"Yeah. Somehow, Colin can understand droid." Jake answered.

Even later that night, the group was sitting at dinner.

"…All slaves have a homing chip to prevent them from running away" Jake's mother said. "Any attempt to run away…"

"And they blow you up! POW!" Jake finished for her.

"How rude." Koal said, continuing his meal.

"I can't believe there's still slavery in the galaxy." Sasha said. "The Allied Nation's Anti-Slavery Laws…"

"The Allied Nations do not exist out here." Jake's mom explained.

A brief silence followed, until Jake asked Kanbai "Are you a CO?"

"What?" Kanbai asked, shocked with the boys…straightforward approach.

"I saw your saber earlier." Jake responded. "It's the kind CO Knights carry around."

"How do you know I didn't kill a CO and take this form him?" Kanbai retaliated, somewhat curious of what the response would be.

"I don't think so." Jake said. "Nobody can kill a CO!"

"How I wish that were true…" Kanbai muttered. Kanbai then stated, "Are there any shops with the parts we need that is loyal to the Allied Nations?"

"No, I'm afraid not." Jake's mother responded.

"There has to be some weakness to these merchants." Sasha said, concerned about the fact that they may be here a long time.

"There is." Jake's mom answered. "Gambling. There's an annual battle held here. Two teams use tanks, infantry, and other units to beat an opponent. Spectators can place bets."

"I could always enter." Jake volunteered.

"No, son. I nearly die every time Adder forces you to do it." His mom groaned.

:"But mom, I love it! Besides, it's the only way to help these people." Jake reasoned.

"No, Jake. Your mother is right. I've seen this before on another planet. It's very dangerous." Kanbai argued. Jake simply looked at his mother.

"Mom, you said the biggest problem is that no one helps one another." Jake said, as his last resort.

"You're right." His mother finally agreed. "I may not like it, but he was supposed to help you."

**On White Nova.**

The dark and ominous figures of Darth Bad-Guy and Darth Clone walked along the surface of the Allied Nation Capital. "Orange Star is a small planet. I will have no trouble finding them." Darth Clone said. "At long last, we will reveal ourselves to the COs. At last we shall have revenge."

"You have been well trained, my young apprentice." Darth Bad Guy told his apprentice. "They will be no match for you."

**WE once again apologize for the delay. Please R&R. Please, no flames, and feel free to post on the CO Chat forum. Sayonara!**


	11. Star Wars World OR Advance Star Wars 7

**Aye, Carumba…the delays just keep on coming…WE are going to say in advance that you better not expect US to update like WE normally do. WE have a very busy vacation. Sometimes WE just don't feel like posting. Sorry. WE hope this won't make the story less popular. WE do not own AW or SW. Oh well. May the Force be with you. WE always wanted to say that! **

**Chapter 11**

**SWW or ASW 7**

Back at Jake's house, Jake and Colin were preparing for the upcoming event. Kanbai was watching in the distance. "Hmm…" he thought. Suddenly, Jake's mother walked up. "You have a very nice boy." Kanbai said to her. "He gives without any thought of reward."

"He knows nothing of greed." Jake's mother responded. "He deserves better than the life of a slave."

"He can see things before they happen." Kanbai stated out of the blue. "It's a CO trick. It explains why he has such quick reflexes. If he was born in the Allied Nations, he would have been spotted and trained as a CO." He hesitated and asked. "Who was his father?"

Jake's mother simply stated "There was no father." Kanbai was a little surprised at that. "I carried him, I gave birth to him, I raised him. I can't explain what happened." She turned to him and asked. "Can you help him?"

"I don't know." Kanbai responded. "I didn't come here to free slaves."

**That night…**

Jake and Kanbai were sitting outside. "You better rest up, Jake. You have a big day tomorrow." Kanbai said

"Look at all those stars!" Jake said. "Do they all have a system?"

"Most of them do." Kanbai answered.

"Has anyone ever been to them all?" Jake asked.

"Not very likely." Kanbai answered again.

"I'm gonna be the first one to see them all!" Jake announced, as Kanbai pulled out a needle and took a blood sample. "What's the blood sample for?"

"It's to make sure you have no infections." Kanbai responded. "Now get to bed."

After Jake had left, Kanbai contacted his apprentice. "Eagle, I need an analysis on the blood sample I'm sending you."

Back at the ship, Eagle examined the results. "Hmm…that's odd. Who's is this?" He asked.

:"It's a boy's." Kanbai told him. "I need a CO Power Meter check now."

"Whoa!" Eagle yelled in shock. "This boy's count is even higher than Master Sensei!"

"It's higher than that of any CO…" Kanbai stated.

**Outside the city, in the desert…**

A lone ship landed in the blazing sands of Orange Star. A hatch door opened, and the robed figure of Darth Clone emerged. He scanned the surroundings with some weird binoculars, and then pressed a few buttons. A couple probe droids appeared and flew to the city.

**The next day, in the city…**

"Ok, I supply the boy, you supply the entry fee, and we split the winnings 50/50." Adder said to Kanbai. It was mere hours until the battle began, and bets were being placed.

"If it's 50/50, then how about we make it more interesting?" Kanbai asked. "If we win, you get all the money, minus the cost of the parts I need, and if we lose, you get my ship. Either way, you win."

Adder thought for a moment (Wow. Adder, think.) "Hmm…deal…"

**Later, near the arena…**

"Ok, guys, get ready." Kanbai said to Jake and Colin. He then noticed Adder walking by. "Hmm…"

"Oh, it's you. You're starting to get annoying, you know that?" Adder hissed at Kanbai.

"Don't worry, by the time, the battle's over, we'll be on our way." Kanbai said, not affected.

"Not if your ship belongs to me!" Adder spat. "Besides, I'm putting my money on those two!" He pointed at Sonja and Lash. Koal gulped, hoping they wouldn't notice him.

"Why do that?" Kanbai asked.

"They always win!" Adder said. "I'm betting everything on them."

"I'll take that bet." Kanbai said. "I'll put up the tanks and weaponry in the battle, you put up the boy and his mother."

"No army is worth 2 slaves! Not by a long shot!" Adder screeched.

"The boy then." Kanbai said.

"We'll let fate decide! I happen to have a die right here. Odd number, the boy. Even number, his mother." Adder said, as he rolled the die. Kanbai used the Super CO Power to land the die on 5. Adder growled. "You won the small toss, but you won't win the battle!" He yelled, as he stormed off.

**In the arena…**

"Hello and welcome!" The announcer's voice boomed. "We have two teams here, ready to cause some chaos! On one side, we have reining champions Lash and Sonja!" A large applause boomed. "And challenging them is the team of Jake and Colin!" Some boos and weak applause was heard.

In the sidelines, Kanbai and the others were watching. "This is ridiculous!" Sasha said. "You're putting to much faith in these two."

"I can tell that they will win." Kanbai said, nonchalantly.

"You assume too much…" Sasha sighed.

"Are you ready?" The announcer said, asking an obvious question. "BEGIN!"

**Well, that's it! WE know, you want the battle, but WE want you to want more. Anyway, please R&R, and post on the CO Chat forum. Anyway, WE have another problem. Some jerk decided to use OUR idea of White Nova, so WE need another name. It will keep the same color. To said jerk…you know who you are…come up with your own ideas!**


	12. Star Wars World OR Advance Star Wars 8

**Hey, people! It's US! How've you all been? WE would like to thank The One True Koneko for the advice on the 'White Nova' thing. Anyway, the fic will premier soon! WE don't own AW or SW, but Eagle gave us a couple Stealth Fighters.**

**Chapter 12**

**SWW or ASW 8**

"The rules are simple!" The announcer said. "You each take turns commanding you robotic troops and tanks from your command tank (a neo tank). This unit cannot move. There are two ways to win. Either destroy all of the opposing team's troops, or destroy the command tank. Are we all clear?" All four nodded their heads.

Then, in the VIP box, Grimm the Hutt appeared. He looked down upon the arena and said "BEGIN!"

The two teams had 15 infantry, 7 mechs, 5 tanks, 2 artilleries and the command tank as their army. The terrain was mostly mountains, with only one way through for other units. Forests also surrounded the command tank.

Colin and Jake went first. First, the moved an artillery near the mountains, and then they moved 9 infantry around the 1 artillery as a shield, and moved 3 tanks around the mountains, surrounding the way through. The remaining infantry scattered around, the other artillery remained near the command tank, and the mechs began to go through the mountains. The other tanks just did nothing.

Sonja and Lash then went. They also moved the mechs into the mountains, but also moved 4 infantry there. They moved both artillery in position to fire at Jake and Colin's tanks, and moved 4 tanks to protect the artilleries. All other units scattered.

Jake moved 2 mechs and open fired on the tanks. 2 of his tanks then finished them off. The 3 began to blast the 1st enemy artillery, and another mech finished it off. The artillery that had infantry around it attacked one mech on the mountain, and one of Jake's mechs finished it. The remaining infantry moved into the mountains, and mechs fought enemy mechs.

**Later. (Yes, WE know. This is a long battle.)**

Jake and Colin only had 4 infantry, a mech, a tank and the artillery near the enemy command tank. Lash and Sonja had 7 infantry, all at half health, 2 mechs and a tank at half health, all near Jake and Colin's command tank.

Colin moved the mech to finish the tank. Then he fired the artillery at the command tank. It was now at 2 health. Jake and Colin's were at 2 as well. Their tank destroyed an enemy mech, and the infantry destroyed 4 enemy infantry.

Sonja and Lash then open fired on the command tank, hoping it would be destroyed. The mech got it down to 1, and all infantry fired. The command tank, however, survived. At Jake's turn, the artillery finished off the command tank.

"We have a winner! Jake and Colin!" the announcer declared.

As everyone was celebrating, Kanbai walked off.

**Somewhere else…**

Adder was giving money and stuff, growling. "I lost everything!" He groaned. "You knew he was going to win. Somehow, you knew!" he accused.

"When you gamble, my friend, eventually you lose." Kanbai reasoned. "I'll be by later to pick up the parts and the boy."

"You can't have him." Adder growled. "It wasn't a fair bet."

"Perhaps you'd like to settle this with Grimm?" Kanbai asked.

Adder growled again. "Take him."

**Well, that's the battle. WE know we left a huge plot hole, but just imagine the battle, ok? So, please, R&R, no complaints about this, and please post on the CO Chat Forum. See ya!**


	13. Star Wars World OR Advance Star Wars 9

**Sorry about the very long delay. WE'RE going to be busy for about 2 weeks. WE will update as much as WE can. Sorry for the inconvenience. WE do not own AW or SW, so now WE won't get sued. Yes!**

**Chapter 13**

**SWW or ASW 9**

Back at the ship, everyone was getting the parts onto the ship. "Eagle." Kanbai called, as his apprentice came. "I'm heading back to town. I have some business to settle."

"Why do I get the feeling we've picked up another pathetic being?" Eagle sighed.

"It's the boy who got us these parts." Kanbai responded sternly. "Now, have the parts ready by the time I get back." He instructed, as he left.

**Later, back in the city…**

Kanbai had just arrived at Jake's house. He entered, greeted enthusiastically. He then made the announcement. "Jake, you are free. You are no longer a slave."

Jake looked shocked and ecstatic at the same time. "Does this mean I get to come with you in your starship and become a CO?" he asked.

Kanbai then leaned down and gave Jake a warning. "Training to become a CO is very difficult, and even if you succeed, it's a hard life."

"I wanna go. Can I, mom?" Jake asked.

"This is your own choice. The path has been laid before you." His mother said.

"I'm going." Jake said. He sped towards the door but then stopped. "Wait… is mom going?"

"I tried as hard as I could, but Adder wouldn't allow it." Kanbai told him.

"Go on, son. I was born here, and I'll die here." Jake's mother said.

"Say your good-byes." Kanbai said.

Later, Colin was saying good-bye to Jake. "Man, it's not fair. I'm not a slave, but I still wish I could get off of this place..." He complained. "Oh well. I'm gonna miss you, Jake." He said.

"Yeah. You were a great roommate. I hope we'll see each other again." Jake said, as he left.

**Back at the ship…**

"Kanbai sir, wait up!" Jake said, as a speeder came towards him.

"Jake, DROP!" Kanbai ordered as the bike passed him, and Darth Clone jumped off, and pulled out his wrench-shaped CO Power Saber. Kanbai pulled out his sword-like CO Power Saber. Clone then landed and began to relentlessly attack Kanbai. "Tell them to take off, NOW!" Kanbai yelled, as Jake ran to the ship.

Kanbai continued his duel against the assailant, as the ship began to move towards him. Inside, Eagle was instructing the pilot. "There he is." Eagle pointed. "Fly low and head towards him." The ship's hatch opened, and Kanbai jumped in as the ship took off. Darth Clone merely watched it take off, and withdrew his saber. Eagle headed to the entrance where Jake and Kanbai were. "Master, who was that?" Eagle asked.

"I don't know." Kanbai panted. "But he was well trained in the CO arts. My guess is he was after the queen. She'll be safer once we reach the capital." He then changed the subject. "You two haven't been introduced. Jake, meet my apprentice, Eagle."

**Later, in the darkness of space…**

Sasha was viewing the hologram sent from the official. Suddenly, she heard something. It was Jake. "I'm cold." He said sleepily.

"Well, you come from a warm planet." Sasha reasoned. "A little _too_ warm for my tastes."

"What's wrong?" Jake asked.

"I am very worried. People are suffering and dying." Sasha said gloomily. "What about you? You must be tired."

"I know, but I…" Jake started.

"You miss your mother don't you?" Sasha finished. Jake nodded.

"I made you this, so you'd remember me." Jake said, handing out a little charm necklace.

Sasha smiled. "You don't need to do that for me to remember you. Many things will change when we reach the capital, but I will still care for you."

"I care for you, to." Jake said.

**At the capital planet of White Nova…**

"White Nova;" the pilot told Jake. "The whole planet is one big city. Look; there's Chancellor Hatchi's personal shuttle. And Senator Sturm is waiting for us." he said, as the ship began to land…

**Well, that's the chapter. You know the routine. R&R, no flames and post on the CO Chat Forum. Feel free to post any topic you want. Bye!**


	14. Star Wars World OR Advance Star Wars 10

**Sorry about the very long delay. WE'RE going to be busy for about 2 weeks. WE will update as much as WE can. Sorry for the inconvenience. WE do not own AW or SW, so now WE won't get sued. Yes!**

**Chapter 14**

**SWW or ASW 10**

**Welcome back to the fic that just won't give up; Advance Wars Insanity. However, WE are considering changing the title to Advance Wars Matinee, because there will be many movie parodies, like a Lord of the Rings parody or a Matrix parody. There will be about 5 random chapters like chapters 1-4 as intermissions. What do you think? Well, WE do no own AW or SW, but the force is strong with US!**

**Chapter 14**

**SWW or ASW 10**

"Welcome, Queen Sasha!" Senator Sturm greeted. "It's such a relief to see that you're safe, what with the communications breakdown. I sincerely hope that this matter will be resolved soon. May I present Supreme Chancellor Hatchi."

"Greetings, Queen Sasha." The Chancellor said. "It's an honor to finally meet you."

As the people were talking, Kanbai and Eagle were heading off the CO Temple. The others went to a car headed to the Senate. Later, in a random room, Sturm began to talk with Sasha. "The Allied Nations is not what it once was." He stated. "The Senate is filled with greedy, squabbling delegates that no longer think of the greater good. I'll be blunt; I have little hope about the Senate deciding to help us."

"Chancellor Hatchi seems to be confident." Sasha argued.

"To be truly honest," Sturm retaliated "Hatchi holds no real power. His strength is merely based on false titles and acquisitions. The bureaucrats are in charge now."

"Then what do you propose we do?" Sasha asked.

"Our best option" Sturm began "Is to elect a new Chancellor. One who can control the bureaucrats. You could always call for a vote of no confidence on Chancellor Hatchi."

"Who's been our strongest supporter?" Sasha retaliated.

"Another option, then," Sturm continued "Is to take this matter to the courts."

"The courts take even longer than the Senate to decide things." Sasha reasoned.

"Look, to be realistic, I think we may have to accept Federation control for the time being." Sturm stated.

"I'm afraid that's something I cannot do." Sasha said.

**At the CO Temple.**

Kanbai and Eagle were in front of the CO Council, with masters such as Sensei and Max.

Kanbai had told about the mysterious attacker on Orange Star. "He was trained in the CO Arts. The only conclusion I have is that it was a Duel."

"Impossible." One of the CO Masters said. "The Duel have been extinct for almost a millennium."

"Hmm…" Sensei said. "Hard to see, the dark side is."

"We will try to find out the identity of this assailant." Max said. Eagle headed towards the door, but Kanbai remained.

"Master Kanbai, more to say have you?" Sensei asked.

"I have encountered an anomaly in the CO Power." Kanbai stated.

"Anomaly?" Max asked. "In the form of a person?"

"A boy." Kanbai answered.

"Trained as a CO, you want the boy to be?" Sensei asked.

"Not exactly." Kanbai lied.

"Ah, but it is. Revealed, your intentions are!" Sensei said

"Finding him was the will of the CO Power, of that much, I'm certain." Kanbai argued.

Max and Sensei muttered something, and then Max said "Fine, bring him in."

**At the Senate…**

Jake was heading to Sasha's room. He knocked, and told them it was him. Inside, he didn't see Sasha. "I'm going to the Temple to begin my training as a CO, I hope. I may never see Sasha again, so I wanted to say good bye."

"We will be sure to tell her that." One of the Blue Moon people said. "We are sure that her heart goes with you."

**In the main room…**

The meeting of Senator was going to begin. Chancellor Hatchi then announced "The council recognizes the Senators of the planet of Blue Moon."

Senator Sturm began a speech. "Ladies and Gentlemen, a tragedy has occurred, and it began right here, with the taxation of trade routes. The Black Hole federation has taken occupation of our planet."

"I object!" a representative of the Federation blurted. "This is outrageous!"

"The council does not recognize the representative of the Federation." Hatchi said.

"To tell about the crisis," Sturm continued. "I have brought Queen Sasha here, who speaks on our behalf."

"Senators of the Allied Nations, I come to you under the gravest of circumstances." Sasha began. "Our planet has been invaded by the droid army of the Federation."

"Preposterous!" The Federation representative interrupted. "There is no proof! I propose that we investigate this so we can discover the truth!"

"The Congress of Randomnationia (lol, random nation) agrees with the honorable delegate of the Black Hole Federation." A random person said.

After Hatchi had to mutter to a guy next to him, Sturm whispered to Sasha "Enter the bureaucrats, the true rulers of the Allied Nations. And on the payroll of the Federation, I might add. This is where the Chancellor's power ends."

Hatchi then reluctantly said "Their point is taken. Sasha, do accept that we investigate?"

"I do not accept!" Sasha protested. "I cane here to end this attack on our planet **now**. If this body is incapable of action, then I propose that new leadership be taken." Sturm leaned forward, grinning evilly. (A/N: Wait…_can_ Sturm grin?) "I call a vote of no confidence in Chancellor Hatchi's leadership."

All the Senators began muttering, but then began to agree, chanting "Vote now! Vote now!" Little did Sasha know, she had tipped the first domino in a line that would lead to events that would affect the entire galaxy…

**Well, that's the chapter. R&R, no flames, and post on CO Chat. Please feel free to post any topic you want on it. Sayonara!**


	15. Interviews Part 1 out of 2

**WE'RE getting bored with the Star Wars thing, so WE are discontinuing it. WE are moving on to the next several hundred comedy ideas. WE hope you understand. WE don't own AW, so don't ask US. Ok, you never did ask US, but maybe in an alternate dimension you did…**

**Chapter 15**

**Interviews part 1**

WE are here, behind the scenes of AW. WE are going to ask the various COs what life is like between the wars. Bold font will represent US talking.

_Question 1: What's it like with the other COs you live with?_

Andy

"It's ok living with these guys, I guess. But Max can get a little annoying, saying I've gotta get in shape, and Jake's rapper talk is getting on my last nerves. Nell rants on forever about how 'lucky' she is, and Rachel is always telling her to shut up. I honestly think Sami and Eagle may get more serious later, but that's just me…"

**Ooooo…k.**

Koal

"I'm getting awfully tired of Von Bolt's whining about these infernal Allied Nations. It's always 'Oh, they're ruining my plans for this' or 'They're destroying that' and 'Oh, I'll get my revenge.' Sigh it's gotten really old by now. And Kindle's stupid laughter doesn't help, either."

Sonja

"I'll be honest. I seem to be the most intelligent one in YC. Sensei may be smart, but age is catching up. Grimm has been spending too much time eating donuts, and it's really starting to show. And my father… for Pete's sake, he couldn't find his freakin' socks in the Marco Land Campaign! Sometimes I wonder if there's no place here for a smart person."

**Welcome to OUR world, Sonja.**

Grit

"Well, most of the time, it's as peaceful as a bear sleepin' in the middle o' winter, but when Bearded One gets angry, it's a loud as a howler monkey fightin' fir his terf and as messy as a concert after openin' night."

…**..Can WE get a translator over here?**

Javier

"Thou wisheth to knoweth how life withen my allies are? Very well. I shall telleth thine how life with my allieseth be…eth."

…**..WE still need that translator!**

_Question 2: What do you do in your spare time?_

Max

"I lift lots and lots of weights. After that, I talk to Andy. He usually is annoying, so I beat him up. After that, I go and do more training, and talk to Andy again. He makes my head hurt when he talks about smart stuff, so I give him wedgies and hang him on a fencepost. Once he was up there for 5 days."

**Hahahahahahaha! ** **Wheeze WE'RE sorry Wheeze WE'RE sorry… wait… THAT'S why Andy a dartboard with Max's picture in the center.**

"What was that?"

**Nothing…**

Drake

"Well, I occasionally play a few pranks. It serves the others right for calling fat!"

**But you are fat.**

"Oh yeah, you're right…Anyway, other times, I go out to sail on a battleship and shoot down Black Hole ships for no reason. It's actually pretty fun…"

Colin

"I play video games. Lots of video games. Some of the guys say I play to many video games. Sasha really gets pissed when I kick her ass at Smash Bros. Melee. Right now, I'm saving up to buy a Wii. I'm doing odd jobs. …You don't wanna know…"

**But you're rich. Ah, never mind.**

Sensei

"Oh, I normally read, or I play chess against Sonja. She's getting good. Other times, Kanbai shows off his swordsman skills, or I eat out with Grimm. He really likes donut shops. Most of the time, however, I just sit and…have a nap…or some…thing…snore".

Jugger

"Why do you want to know? Going into taunting mode! (French accent) I don't wanna talk to you no more, author pig-dog!"

**Someone's seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Which WE don't own) to much…**

"I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries! Go away, or I will taunt you a second time!"

**Screw this! (Presses off button that conveniently on Jugger's back.)**

**Well, that's part 1 of the interviews! WE could do the rest this chapter, but WE ran out of questions. You know the drill. R&R, no flames and post!**


	16. Interveiws Part 2 of 2

**Hey guys! WE'RE back! (Singing) WE got a new computer! WE got a new computer! (Stops.) WE don't own AW. Get it? Got it? Doubt it. **

**Interviews part 2 of 2.**

_Question 3: Who's your least favorite CO and what are your thoughts on him/her._

Rachel

I'll be honest. It's Nell. **I **should have been Commander in Chief of Orange Star. It should have been ME! But NOOOO. It's that smug, superstitious ASSHOLE! (Foams at the mouth, red eyes.)

**Ooookaaaaay… SECURITY! **

Jess

That cocky freak-o Kindle. If I hear that lousy laugh one more time… (Pulls out a brick) This will be her head. (Crushes the brick, and foams at the mouth.)

**WE REALLY need that security, NOW!**

Kanbai

I can't stand how Javier copies my style! I was around during AW1! He just debuted! I was the first swordsman in the game. And plus, that whole weird knight talking is just plain weird.

Olaf

Grit is getting on my last nerves. I can't stand it when he calls me 'Oh Bearded One'. The beard isn't THAT noticeable. And the lame-ass hick talk is getting really old, really fast. If I hear one more…

**Stay calm. PLEASE stay calm.**

Hawke

I despise Sturm. I want to kill him. Wait a minute…I want to kill everyone.

**(Slowly backs away.)**

_Final question: Is there any CO that's special to you?_

Jake

Well, I'm not sure. I have a thing for Sasha, but I think Rachel digs me. Right now, I'm with Sasha, and I'm hoping it stays like that.

Eagle

Why, uh, do ya wanna know? (Nervous laugh) um, I have nobody at all… (Yells) I don't like Sami! (Nervously) Did I just say that? (Nervous Laugh)

Sasha

I'm with Jake. But I think that Rachel is trying to take him from me. If she does… (Eyes start flaming and growling)

Adder

Nobody has asked me out, but I'm sure someone likes me.

**No one likes you, got it?**

Grimm

Well, nobody has ever seemed to like me. That's kind of sad, seeing as I'm so old that I'm bald, I've never been on a date. I'm pathetic. (Sobbing) Why? WHY?

**Um… now might be a good time to go to the ending authors notes.**

**(8th personality) Yeah, that's a good idea. **

**Well, that's the interviews! R&R!**


	17. Andrew and Philip in: Weapons Woe

**Hey guys! WE couldn't update late due to US starting school this chapter features my and my older brother's OCs, Philip and Andrew from White Nova. WE do not own AW, or any characters besides Philip and Andrew. It's a start.**

**(A/N: This takes place pre-White Nova, so there's no war, and Maelstrom is not a WN CO.)**

**Chapter 17**

**Philip and Andrew in: Weapons Woe**

Philip and Andrew were waiting in the briefing room, watching TV. "Yo, Andrew." Philip said.

"What is it?" Andrew mumbled.

"What in God's name are you making the boys in the lab work on?" Philip asked.

"A new power source that can power our ultimate new unit." Andrew answered.

"You mean…" Philip began.

"Yep." Andrew finished "And once it's done, it'll be better than the Piperunner2, the Grenadiers, the Seeker Jet, the…" Andrew bragged. (A/N: These units and more will appear in White Nova.)

"I get it! I get it!" Philip interrupted. "Each time you manage to outdo yourself. How's the project going so far?"

"Well, it's taking a longer time to prepare than it was supposed to, but I have a good feeling…" Andrew started, and then…

**KA-BOOOM!**

Smoke started coming through the door. Andrew merely sighed and yelled "What happened this time?"

One of the White Nova scientists yelled "The power source exploded…again."

"Just start over again." Andrew ordered.

"Again?" Philip asked.

"The whole process of preparing the source should only take a few hours." Andrew explained. "However, the process must go absolutely flawlessly, or…well, you can see the results."

"How does the process work anyway?" Philip said.

"You remember the Campaign in Omega Land, when Black Hole used the Black Crystal to suck out energy." Andrew began. "Well, I've found a way to reverse the process, and by connecting the crystal pieces to an extremely high voltage wire…"

"Whoawhoawhoa! Back up for a minute, bro. High voltage? Is that safe?" Philip blurted out.

"Hell no." Andrew responded. "Why do you think I'm not down there? Luckily, there haven't been any deaths."

**KA-BOOOM!**

There was a loud clang, and they saw there was a dent in the door shaped like a White Nova scientist.

"Ooh, that's GOTTA hurt." Philip and Andrew said.

"I'm ok…" a dizzy voice said, as there was a thud, followed by a bunch of other thuds.

"Must've fallen down the stairs." Andrew sighed, and said on the intercom "Take 5, everyone." There was a lot of cheering, and then it got quiet. "Now where was I? Oh yeah! Hooking the reversed crystal to the wires, the crystal will generate a large energy source. The problem is, the crystal is VERY fragile. Nothing and I mean NOTHING can touch it. Not hands, not bugs, not spit, not even your own breath. If the crystal brakes, the wires have no place to send the electricity, and then…"

**KA-BOOOM!**

"I'm still ok…" the same voice said.

"The unit itself is ready, now the power source needs to be completed." Andrew said.

"Why not use regular fuel?" Philip asked.

Andrew pulled out a pen and pencil and wrote something down. "Here's the price to just fuel it for a day." Andrew said, passing the note to Philip.

"Dear God that better be an international phone number." Philip gasped. "No wonder you're trying this idea."

"With the unit done, once the power source is ready, we can be ready for anything." Andrew said.

**KA-BOOOM!**

"But at this rate, it won't be ready for a looooooooong time…" Andrew said.

**That's it. Sorry it wasn't so funny, but it was more of a spoiler chapter for my other fic. Next chapter brings back the funny. R&R, no flames.**


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